Intro to the LOP

What a happy little guy you should be!

For thousands of years mankind has battled the elements of nature to arrive at complete and total domination of his environment. He beat down and destroyed the weak, slaughtered animals and put them in cages, leveled mountains and built iron cities. With guns and cars and planes he swept the landscape and put everything in its fuckin' place. It was a long brutal journey, but he did it just for you.

With secure homes lining the streets and liquor stores on every corner, you no longer have to worry about getting attacked by bears or freezing in a snowstorm and having to eat your children. When was the last time you had to hunt and kill your own meal? The difficulties and pressure of survival have faded away. All that is left for you to do is fuck and sleep.

Think about how lucky you are: You have time to spare. Human progress has been one long quest for having nothing important to do. Leisure time marks the pinnacle of mankind's evolution into a superior being. We can finally waste away our lives doing things that aren't necessary for survival: literature, science, art, sports, television, fashion, alcohol, pornography. Sport fishing. The internet. Low-rider cars. Gambling. Yoga. Movies with monkey sidekicks. This is truly a wonderful time to be alive.

The age of hunters and gatherers is well behind us. Human beings are now distinguished by how they spend their leisure time. Recreation is the purest form of human expression. What do you do in your spare time? Are you one of those home-improvement type guys? Maybe you have a dildo factory in your basement. Maybe you jog. Maybe you build futuristic space machines. Maybe you just watch a lot of TV.

Here at the Crash Site, we take full advantage of our good fortune. We master our environment through good cheap fun and a healthy utilitarian attitude. You should too. Use everything: your mind, your body, your car, your computer, your baseball bat, your gun. See from every angle. Go new places. Climb every wall. Build something new. Destroy something old. Make yourself laugh. Make people think. No apologies, just good times.

Hate your life? Bored out of your mind? Follow us down the path of creative leisure and enlightenment. A lot of people and things have died miserable deaths just so we could be here, killing time. It is your obligation as a human being to take advantage of your situation. Enjoy the land of plenty.

-- slap maxwell

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